Happy Things/Thoughts/Videos/Jokes

Mr T · Apr 3, 2020

It's bad when you realise your wheelie bin goes out more than you do.

Vagophile · Apr 3, 2020

Borris said:
"You think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers...."

You've ruined my intention to live to a ripe old age.

Mr T · Apr 3, 2020

Borris said:
"You think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers...."

I'll drink to that! :cheers

willwander · Apr 3, 2020

Rich20 · Apr 4, 2020

I joined the 7a.m 'Pensioners only' queue outside Sainsburys this morning when a young guy came from the car park and tried to push in at the front.
An old lady saw him off with a good whack with her waiking stick.
To our amazement he came back yet again and pushed in again so I gave him a good punch on the nose.
With a blood stained hanky held to his face he said
"Look, if you don't let me unlock this door nobody's going to get in."

Vantastic2 · Apr 4, 2020

When you are bored just think about a few things that don't make sense .....like ;

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them

Four great confusions still unresolved:

1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is your's?

2. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

We can never find the answers, can we?

Vantastic2 · Apr 4, 2020

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a carriage through London.
Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly. “I am terribly sorry,” apologizes the embarrassed Queen.
The Pope replies, “Oh don’t worry, if you hadn’t said anything, I’d just have thought it was the horse!”

Vantastic2 · Apr 4, 2020

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!
Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything, and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
In the end though, the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion, and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.
The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ...
Yes, you guessed it ... pull myself together.

Escargotine · Apr 4, 2020

Thank you all !

Ch1pbutty · Apr 4, 2020

SimonB · Apr 5, 2020

This made me laugh, feisty at 6½ years old

Amarillo · Apr 5, 2020

Broch Hunter · Apr 5, 2020

https://www.facebook.com/100006228602169/posts/2612151582335770

Amarillo · Apr 5, 2020

I thought this was a spoof...

It's not.

It reminds me of this.

Ting Tong · Apr 6, 2020

Haha

Amarillo said:
I thought this was a spoof...

It's not.

It reminds me of this.

Haha yes. Griff Rhys Jones inherited the entire estate of our eccentric bachelor neighbour (also a Rhys Jones and his uncle). He disappeared to pursue his acting career in the states shortly after. The first thing our new neighbours did was deforest the garden.